My Life Was Never Easy - REAL LIFE STORIES

My Life Was Never Easy - REAL LIFE STORIES

Finally had enough. She left, taking myself and myrnthree brothers with her. Unfortunately, life wasn't much better after she leftrnhim. She was bitter and depressed about having to raise us children by herself.rnThere was never any love or affection shown to us. She blamed us for herrnmiserable life and her drinking. We often had to hear how she had never wantedrnchildren in the first place, and this caused us to feel unwanted. My fatherrnwasn't much better. He ignored me and only paid attention to my brothers. He wouldrnclaim I wasn't his child because he “only made boys.” I grew up depressed,rnfeeling unwanted and unloved. All I ever wanted in life was to have truernhappiness. The reason my mother never showed love was because she didn't knowrnhow to show love. Her mother was raised in a residential school from age 5 torn15 years old. These schools were places of physical and sexual abuse, so myrngrandmother grew up never knowing a parents love. She was raised in a strict,rncold environment that no child should ever have to live in. When she finallyrnleft the school to start her own life, the damage had already been done. Whenrnshe had children, she raised them in a strict, unloving home. She was onlyrndoing what she had learned from the residential school. A cycle of showing nornlove and affection had started in my family. I was determined if I had anyrnchildren, I would show and tell them that they were loved and wanted every day.rn

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Another cycle that continued in the family was sexualrnabuse. I found out when I was older that my parents and my grandmother hadrnsuffered from sexual abuse. I was sexually abused as well. The first timernhappened when I was just three years old. My mother was in the hospital havingrnmy youngest brother. My father's uncle was babysitting me. I remember bits andrnpieces of the abuse but mostly remember the physical pain. This wasn't the onlyrntime I had to endure sexual abuse. On different occasions throughout the years,rnother family members sexually abused me. I often wondered why this wasrnhappening to me. I felt alone with no one to turn to. These episodes of sexualrnabuse just added to my depression, which seemed to grow and grow as I gotrnolder. I grew up not being able to trust anyone. I was angry at the world. Irnoften wished I wasn't born. I thought of suicide on occasion but never wentrnthrough with it. I didn’t tell my mother until I was 12 years old. Even then, Irnnever received any comfort or support from her. She was too busy wallowing inrnher own self-pity and alcohol, which added to my unhappiness. 

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When I turned 16 years old, I moved out to get awayrnfrom her drinking. I had grown to resent it over the years. I was depressed butrnhopeful that the future might bring some happiness. I ended up drinking to numbrnmy emotional and mental pain. I was doing the very thing I had despised, andrnthis added to my depression. I ended up quitting high school and going to workrnto support myself. I started a great paying job at 21 years old. Finally, lifernseemed to be going good for me. Around the same time, I started the first ofrnthree serious relationships I had in my life. I didn't have much luck in myrnrelationships. It seemed like I was always picking partners who had addictionrnissues, and they didn't want to work. I went through physical and verbal abusernfrom two out of the three relationships, which brought depression back into myrnlife. I always ended up supporting my family. The only good thing to come fromrnthese bad relationships was my three children who I love dearly. Once I had myrnchildren, I got my drinking under control. I didn't want them to see theirrnmother as an alcoholic. I tried to make our lives as normal as possible.

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After working at the same place for over eighteenrnyears, the company finally closed down. I was without a job. My lastrnrelationship was on the verge of ending because my partner didn't want to work.rnI had enough and kicked him out. His drinking and physical abuse had becomernworse and worse. I was now alone and raising my children by myself, but I wasrnbetter off being alone. I sunk into depression again, and my back began to achernlike never before. My doctor put me on pain pills, which became the beginningrnof my new addiction. When the doctor cut me off my prescription, I began buyingrnpills off the street. I also began selling pills to make money. I hid myrnaddiction from my children and tried to keep life as normal as I could. Theyrnnever had to go without food and were never neglected. I made sure I never sunkrnthat far down. After buying pills for two years, I had enough of living thisrnway and being broke. I decided to go on methadone to get off the painrnmedication. Little did I know, I was starting a new addiction which would bernthe hardest to quit. ChristianrnTestimony Books

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 It was at this time I decided to go back to school andrnapply to college. I had always dreamed of going back to school someday. Irnworked hard and got the credits I needed then took the chance and applied torncollege. To my surprise, I was accepted to the college I had chosen. It seemedrnas though I was finally having some good luck for a change, but three monthsrnbefore school started I was hit with a mystery illness. I call it a mysteryrnbecause the doctors couldn't find a cause for my symptoms. I started havingrnmigraines, lost hearing in my right ear, and had short term memory loss. Irnstarted school and realized I couldn't remember what I was learning. The doctorrnsuggested I leave school until they found out what was wrong. I quit school butrnwas so unhappy. I couldn't work or go to school. What good was I to anyone? Irnsunk into a deeper depression than ever before. Thoughts of suicide began tornsurface again, even worse than before. It seemed like whenever my life wasrngoing good, things would always take a turn for the worst. I felt like givingrnup, but I never did because I had my children to take care of. If it weren'trnfor them, I shudder to think what I may have done to myself.

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 One Sunday morning, I was watching YouTube with myrnson. He was 7 years old at time. We came across a video that would change ourrnlives. The video was about a young woman who had gone to heaven and hell withrnJesus. We watched the whole video, which was over an hour long. At the end, Irnwas so convicted by what I had seen. I looked at my son and said, "I don'trnwant to end up in hell." He agreed with me.

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Right at this exact time, a preacher came on the TV,rnwhich no one was watching. He was shouting out, "If you want to acceptrnJesus as your savior, say this prayer." My son and I knelt down on thernfloor and repeated the prayer. Immediately, I felt a change. I could tell myrnson did as well. He seemed happier and content. I felt a heaviness come off myrnheart and felt hopeful. I decided I needed to find a church, and God led me torna spirit filled church which I still attend to this day, five years later.

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 Since accepting Jesus into my life, God restored thernhearing in my right ear, the migraines are gone, and my memory is back onrntrack. For the first time in my life, I feel loved. I feel true happiness. Irnbuilt a relationship with the Lord, and it gets stronger as time goes on. Hernhas set me free from 31 years of smoking, set me free from alcohol, and set mernfree from depression. My back has been healed. He has brought love, peace, andrnjoy into my home. I wouldn't trade this for the world. I'm still on thernmethadone, but He has promised to free me from this as well. Everything is inrnGod's perfect timing. He has healed my broken heart and mended my brokenrnspirit. I grew up hearing from my mother that Jesus isn't for native people.rnThis lie has been told to native people for generations. I now know the truth.rnHe's for every tribe, tongue, and nation. Jesus is for us and not against us.rnHe loves everyone with an everlasting love. He will never leave you or forsakernyou. When you enter into a relationship with God, your life will never be thernsame. He accepts you the way you are and doesn't turn anyone away. It doesn'trnmatter what you've done or how bad you think you are. He is merciful andrnforgiving. Just invite Jesus into your heart, and you will find more happinessrnand love than you've ever known. You will know the truth, and the truth willrnset you free!

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I hope my story will encourage you to desire arnrelationship with the Lord, and realize how amazing and wonderful He truly is.rnHe is a loving, forgiving Father, waiting for you with open arms. Come to Him,rnand find the peace and love that is waiting for you. I'm living proof that Hisrnlove is real and available to everyone who asks for it. Come as you are, andrnlet the Lord transform your life for the better. He's a God of second chancesrnand new beginnings. I've never been happier than I am now, thanks to the Lord.rnMay this story bless you and encourage you to take the next step to happiness.

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